Hi I’m Kira, Sabrina and I met in high school and were best friends for nearly 20 years. Sabrina was the first person I thought of when making plans and my person to go to when I needed someone to talk to. She’s the person I shared my secrets with, cried over heart aches and gossiped with. We’ve shared successes, failures, shenanigans, vacations, so many laughs, private nerdy jokes, and lots of wine. Sabrina knows all my stories because she lived them with me. She is truly in so many of my memories, in which I am forever grateful.
I would describe Sabrina as being strong minded, she always knew what she wanted and didn’t let others tell her what to do. She was funny, and had an infectious laugh. She cared deeply for people, especially her family and close friends. She was passionate about so many things; her husband, her daughter, her dog, her love for Fall & Christmas. She loved the mountains, baking and celebrating special moments. She loved life.
Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease is something I had never even heard of before Sabrina. It all started in the fall of 2017. Sabrina was having problems remembering names and small tasks. She consulted professionals however it was really nothing out of the ordinary, especially after having a child. Sabrina then started losing weight at a drastic pace. Initially, we were thrilled for her. It seemed like the hard work she was doing was really paying off. But then it seemed almost too much, and her memory was getting worse. By the Spring of the following year (2018), it was hard to have a full conversation with Sabrina. She would forget simple words, and would eventually just listen as she realized she couldn’t carry the conversation. I remember having a serious conversation at that point with Sabrina about what was going on, and that she really needed to consult a doctor again. She then explained to me that her eyes were just so sore, and kept repeating the same thing over and over. I was scared as I knew something was wrong. Never in my wildest imagination did I think this would be it.
After being diagnosed in August of 2018 and within just months, this disease took away her memory, it then took away Sabrina’s ability to talk and really communicate in any way, her inability to walk came next and eventually she had no control of all motor skills. In the end, the disease ultimately left Sabrina unable to care for herself. We were told Sabrina only had a few months to live.
At the time of being diagnosed, Sabrina was in her early months of being pregnant with baby number two and was not expected to make it through her pregnancy. The focus for care was put on her, making sure she was comfortable during her final months. Family and friends came daily to sit with her and tell her how much she was loved. For everyone that knew Sabrina, knew how strong she was. How much she loved being a mom to Scarlett, and a wife to Brent. She loved her family more than anything and would do anything for them - and she did! I’m convinced Sabrina fought as hard as she could to make sure the baby would survive, and she made it. Sabrina successfully delivered her baby girl, Stella at 36 weeks by c-section and was able to spend 25 days with her new baby girl. She may not have been able to communicate, but we all know there was still a piece of her in there that was beaming with joy.
Everyone has a friend through each stage of life, but I was lucky enough to have that friend through so many different stages. My advice to friends and family having to go through this with someone they love, is to take the time to enjoy every last minute and cherish the fact that you get to say good bye, even if it is much too soon.
Sabrina is my baby sister. We are 7 years apart and when you’re kids that is a big age gap. I played with dolls while she was still in diapers but as we grew up we became closer.
We traveled a lot as kids. We were always hanging out with our cousins. We played, we fought, I chauffeured her around during her teen years. We were very different but very alike in many ways and have so much in common. I will miss being together for our love of Autumn and the cozyness it brings; Christmas with it's twinkling lights and Charlie Brown movies and the obvisous special meaning of the holiday...it was our favorite. I will miss her love of Halloween. I will miss our texts every time a random heart appears in some unexpected place we find one. I will miss talking about our Banff trips, one of our favourite places to go. I will miss her homemade gluten free treats like the black bean avocado brownies and all the pies she was so talented at making. I still can not make pie crust like she could.
I was her ‘voice of reason’ and she was my ‘don’t worry be happy’. We argued like only sisters argue and she always had your back.
Sabrina and I had some amazing times together. I have wonderful memories that will remain with me forever. One of my favourite times was when just the two of us went to Italy together. I’m so thankful we did that trip.
Sabrina was the best at telling stories. She just had this way of telling them that had everyone laughing. Sabrina loved hanging out with friends and family and any chance she could get to have a BBQ or get together she made sure it happened. She had the gift of hospitality. She was my baby sister who I shared my childhood with, who grew up and became my best friend. She was kind and always thought of others needs. She was strong, opinionated, funny, caring, and had a great sense of humor. She loved my girls a lot. I miss her something fierce. She was taken way too soon.
As sisters we weren’t perfect. We annoyed each other, made fun of each other, said stupid things but we were always there for one another, and loved the heck out of each other.
On August 7th, 2018 Sabrina was terminally diagnosed with Sporadic CJD and was told she had 2 months to live. She was only 35, married to her husband Brent, mommy to 2.5 year old Scarlett and 12 weeks pregnant with her second child. In summer 2019 her sypmtoms developed at a rapid pace. It took away her speech, her memory, her ability to walk and do things for herself like eat and get dressed.
When you hear a loved one has a terminal illness it literally takes your breath away. Learning about CJD and knowing what was to come in the next few months made it seem impossible to believe this was real. Knowing that Sabrina would be unable to communicate, walk, or eat within a few weeks was heartbreaking but we were beside her every step of the way. During the few months she was at home we all cared for her as best we could with Brent (Sabrina's husband) and her mom being her main care givers. We would have family dinners, friends would come and we would tell stories which at times would bring a smile to her face and/or a good laugh. These were great moments that gave us hope that she was still with us, remembering those stories.
Every few weeks a new development or issue had to be discussed in regards to Sabrina and/or the baby's well being. These were very emotional times for our family and personally, they still impact me today. Decisions around life support, the viability of her baby, feeding tubes, baby safe medications, home/hospital care and other decisions were made to the best of our ability with what we believed Sabrina would have wanted had she had the cognitive ability.
In October 2019 Sabrina received a feeding tube which would keep her and the baby nourished.
With each passing week baby girl was growing beautifully. At 28 weeks gestation we made a decision to have Sabrina admitted into the Antepartum unit of the Lois Hole Robbins Pavilion. This was so baby could be monitored more closely and we could have help to care for Sabrina. The doctors and nurses cared for Sabrina like she was their family. The loved on us and made our time there easy and comfortable. They became friends who we still see and talk to today. They impacted our lives just like Sabrina impacted theirs.
On January 11, Sabrina was scheduled to deliver baby girl by Casearan section. It was an incredibly emotional and stressful morning. We knew Sabrina had the best doctors and nurses but we didn't know how this procedure would affect Sabrina. Sabrina’s strength, love for life, determination, and the motherly fight within her were the attributes that helped her to bring Stella Sabrina Lauman into our lives, weighing a healthy 5lbs 8 oz. Sabrina held on past everyone’s expectations to make sure her baby survived.
With help, Sabrina held her sweet baby girl everyday. There were times she looked right at Stella and we were filled with hope once again that she was there, in the moment, looking at her sweet daughters face and sending Stella her love.
On February 4th, almost 6 months after her diagnosis, and on Stella’s original due date, Sabrina took her last breath. She left us peacefully and surrounded in love by her family and friends.
This journey has left me a roadmap of emotional and mental scars that I hope for no one else to have. Yet, this journey has also been reflective. I do my best to turn my sadness into joy. When I feel sad I allow myself that moment but I also remember the good, the smiles, the laughs, the fun times and it heals my heart. The heartache will never go as I will always miss her being here with us but Sabrina will always be here in her daughters smiles and laughs, in their sassyness, in the moments when the season's turn from green to gold and then to snow, in the smell of freshly brewed coffee enjoyed from a cute little mug, in the braiding of hair, in the warmth of a sweater or blanket on a crisp cool morning.
Thankfully, we have each other and the memories Sabrina gave us. She will live on within all of us and within her daughters.
She is not here in the physical sense but I’m so thankful for all the lovely, sweet things she left behind in our memories, in our hearts and in our lives.
Gone is not forgotten.
It is well with my soul.
Sabrina fought so hard and so now we fight to end CJD.